checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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