omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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