I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
