mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i out mim tonsoeep
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