Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The air was thick with penises
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
