She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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