we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize