fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
