why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
