They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
