She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
