Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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