I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
