the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
