I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
