I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
