Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
