I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
