fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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