5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize