i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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