So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If I die, sorry about rent.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize