she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
