Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
