So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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