I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
