I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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