Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
