I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
