so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
