He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
