I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
