And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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