(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
