Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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