You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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