were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
