Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
