So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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