my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The uberlube is also flammable
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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