So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
