it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
