man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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