ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
