Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
