ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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