I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
