No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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