my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
