i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
