So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
