I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im holly from the hills drunk
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
