just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
