You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
