I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
