So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
