my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize