I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
