just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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