I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
