and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
