some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
