living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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