What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
