Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
