Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
