Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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