he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
