i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
