I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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